Dilated 2 Cms

My cousin is about to give birth. She felt contractions, or what she thought were contractions. They were false. But the excitement I saw on her and husbands face were priceless. Both looked like children who couldn’t go to sleep on Christmas Eve, watching the fireplace for any signs that Santa was arriving. When the obstetrician told them that it would still be a few more days, both sighed. My cousin humorously said “get this child out of me”.

My cousin and I are really close. She asked that I come for the birth of her child. When we were younger, we would talk about everything–what we wanted for our futures, what we wanted out of life and what we hoped to accomplish. She accomplished one of her dreams, she got married to her prince in shining armor and has begun her family. Part of her future has begun and she caught a falling star.

Lying on her hospital bed she smiled and whispered “sorry”. She said she felt bad for asking me to run down to the hospital for nothing but a stomach ache. She especially felt bad because she said she was a nurse and because she should have known better. I told her that a book can describe in theory what false labor is, but how would you personally know what it was until you experienced it. She smiled again and then said something which took me aback “You’re going to make a wonderful husband and a great father”.

After all these years, she still didn’t know anything about me. I think we see what we want to see. Although I could swear that deep down inside my family, friends and loved ones know that I’m gay, they don’t want to see this part of me. So they attribute the characteristics they want upon me. I know that someday they should know who I am. After all this time, I still haven’t gotten the courage to let them know that I will be a wonderful husband (but it’s going to be to someone who’ll have a five-o-clock shadow and pees standing up).

If they can tell me that I’m going to be wonderful. There has to be something about me that is just that–wonderful. I’ve just got to convince myself that I am.

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5 Responses to “Dilated 2 Cms”

  1. Daniel Says:

    She was just talking out of the feeling of the moment.
    Besides, being gay doesn’t keep you from being a husband or a father.

  2. Lemuel Says:

    I am sure that you ARE a wonderful husband and your husband is out there waiting for you. When he finds you, he will be among the luckiest men on earth.

  3. Matt Says:

    I agree with Daniel, she could have been talking more generally than you think. I bet you would be both a great husband and father.

    And if she was speaking in strictly “straight” terms, it’s still a hell of a compliment.

    We’ve all said this to you many times, but honestly – those who will really matter in your life will accept you no matter what. With the little I know about you, you seem to be an incredible guy. That’s really all that matters. Someone, someday, will be very lucky to be with you.

  4. Steven Says:

    What a terrible thing to think that your family “doesn’t want to see this part of you.” You ask anyone what is “wonderful” about you, I think you will get a different response every time, which says a lot. “You’re going to make a wonderful husband and a great father” could be taken both ways, as Daniel stated in his comment.

    We all have our times and moments for coming out. One moment for me came unexpectedly with a family member and luckily it was a positive one. Keep the faith!

  5. Jim Says:

    Why stop at husband and father? Be great at other things, things that matter to you. I think the tricky part is separating out what you want versus what others want for you.

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