My cousin is about to give birth. She felt contractions, or what she thought were contractions. They were false. But the excitement I saw on her and husbands face were priceless. Both looked like children who couldn’t go to sleep on Christmas Eve, watching the fireplace for any signs that Santa was arriving. When the obstetrician told them that it would still be a few more days, both sighed. My cousin humorously said “get this child out of me”.
My cousin and I are really close. She asked that I come for the birth of her child. When we were younger, we would talk about everything–what we wanted for our futures, what we wanted out of life and what we hoped to accomplish. She accomplished one of her dreams, she got married to her prince in shining armor and has begun her family. Part of her future has begun and she caught a falling star.
Lying on her hospital bed she smiled and whispered “sorry”. She said she felt bad for asking me to run down to the hospital for nothing but a stomach ache. She especially felt bad because she said she was a nurse and because she should have known better. I told her that a book can describe in theory what false labor is, but how would you personally know what it was until you experienced it. She smiled again and then said something which took me aback “You’re going to make a wonderful husband and a great father”.
After all these years, she still didn’t know anything about me. I think we see what we want to see. Although I could swear that deep down inside my family, friends and loved ones know that I’m gay, they don’t want to see this part of me. So they attribute the characteristics they want upon me. I know that someday they should know who I am. After all this time, I still haven’t gotten the courage to let them know that I will be a wonderful husband (but it’s going to be to someone who’ll have a five-o-clock shadow and pees standing up).
If they can tell me that I’m going to be wonderful. There has to be something about me that is just that–wonderful. I’ve just got to convince myself that I am.