This Is A Costume

It’s halloween again. My neighborhood will celebrate the occasion tomorrow and the streets will be filled with people running door to door holding out their bags to get more goodies.

I laughed last week while watching Grey’s Anatomy because Meredith said that she had never gone trick or treating. I was sad because every child should experience trick-or-treating, but I laughed because she said the reason her mother didn’t take her was because she had felt that begging for candy door-to-door was inappropriate. It does make sense, on Halloween, we literally are begging for candy. It’s still a fun tradition though and I would never begrudge anyone the opportunity to partake of this tradition.

My neighbor asked me if I was going to dress up and I told her no. I’m not that creative. I can’t even think about what I would be. Many of my costumes in the past have been store bought, right off the shelf. No thought put into it whatsoever. I must be missing the creative gene because I don’t have any imagination.

The only mask I wear is the one that tells people I’m closeted. On some level people who have met me, or get to know me beyond the cordial hellos and goodbyes, have to know. Yet, I keep trying to convince them I’m otherwise. I’ve told some friends that I’m gay and they are the important ones right? Some have accepted me and in some ways it has made our friendships stronger. I shouldn’t care what a stranger thinks, but for some reason I still care what people know or don’t know.

So I still wear this mask. Many people know who is really underneath it. I’m slowly learning that people like me despite the costume. And that is a good feeling.

Happy Halloween!


8 Responses to “This Is A Costume”

  1. Steven Says:

    Despite a recent e-mail conversation about it, I have to reiterate that you present some good analogies of our “closeted” lives. How appropriate for the Halloween season that you speak of the “masks” we wear.

  2. steve'swhirlyworld Says:

    Very well said. We should all take off our masks!

  3. another Steven Says:

    In your case, under the mask is still a really sweet guy so of course they will still love you! Just do it when you feel comfortable and ready to come out, not because you think you have to.

  4. matty03 Says:

    I’ve never been very good at wearing masks of anytime.

    I feel like I can’t breathe.

  5. urspo Says:

    happy hallowen to you too dearie.

  6. BruceCleveland Says:

    John–Happy Halloween (1 day later).

    Don’t worry about the creative gene…we all don’t get them…trust me. I have the thought and the insite…but not the capability to throw it together. My costume was pieced together 1 week prior by visiting many stores. I was devil…yah no thought there…but my horns and tail and red shirt and red hair spray cost me less than 10 dollars. Like I said not creative but it worked in a pinch.

    One day you won’t worry about masks so much.

  7. atomicpop! Says:

    i would love to see you without your mask sometime… 🙂

  8. Kris Says:

    Happy Halloween!! You’re not the only one :D! I don’t have a creative bone in my body either.

    It’s kinda hard not to worry about what other people think, as much as we try not to. Some folks at work, when I pass them by and they have this smile on their face, I’m like “How could they know? What gave it away?” My coworker/friend thinks I over-analyze it.

    Anyway, just take your time and show your true self to those who you think really matters. It’s a great feeling once you do. (Though of course, I’ve yet to tell some folks, especially my dad. I’m really nervous about it so putting it on hold for now)

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