A Bit of Nostalgia

It’s around 2:30 a.m. I can’t sleep. I’m wondering why. I think it has to do with the fact that so many thoughts are swirling around in my head.

Yesterday, my cousin and I drove to our old university. It’s only 3 hours away and the weather channel said there would be no ice or snow for the day. She wanted to take a drive. I willingly volunteered to go with her. I love driving. And I love reminiscing with my cousin. We had so much fun together in undergrad. Although we had grown up together, I felt like we had grown closer and that unbreakable bond was formed when we went away to school together.

When I was up she help to steady the ladder so that I could keep climbing. When I was down, she held her hand out to pull to my feet again. In between, she helped me to keep the balance.

I thought I was going to be able to tell her that I’m gay. But the topic never came up. Or should I say I couldn’t find the courage to tell her. I couldn’t the strength to tell her. I was afraid that she might pull the ladder out from underneath me. I have only gone up a few rungs on this rainbow colored ladder. I don’t want it shoved. Even if the fall would only be a few feet, not even enough to break or bruise, I still want to keep going upward.

Now as I write this, my buddy M is one the phone with me. He was one of my best friends from undergrad. We lived on the same dorm floor, became friends, and then roommates. I called him about an hour ago because insomnia had hit me sometimes after midnight. Having been on our old campus, a flood of different emotions and thoughts had been spawned. I’m going to write a different post about the emotions that surfaced while walking through my old stomping grounds.

And now as I’m getting this all off my chest by writing a post about it and talking to M, I’m feeling a wave of sleepiness.

I’m going to write about my walk through the campus grounds later this week. Right now I’ve got to let M sleep (he’s got to be at work at 7 a.m.–and he’s still on the phone listening to me babble and write this) and I’ve also got to lay my head down.


8 Responses to “A Bit of Nostalgia”

  1. Jim Says:

    I think you know when the right time is, intuitively. It will come!

    My trip back to my undergrad university (CAL) was interesting. Everything looked smaller and less impressive but it immediately brought back a ton of memories, particularly the 24 concerts I saw in the summer of 1985 🙂 lol

  2. diamondfistwerny Says:

    Well, hopefully you got some sleep. I went to my undergrad a few years ago. It is a strange, yet fun feeling!

  3. Steven Says:

    I’ve made a yearly trek back to my campus (U of IL) for Homecoming and the University is constantly changing the landscape. Don’t think of it as not having the courage to tell your cousin, but that it wasn’t the right time to do so. The right time will come! And she’ll be there to support you. I hope you were able to sleep well.

  4. Doug Says:

    As you said, these things can’t be forced. The time will come for each of the people you want to tell.

  5. BruceCleveland Says:

    When the time is right…the people you want to know, will know

  6. Eliot Says:

    no rush. youll know when it is time.

  7. urspo Says:

    indeed there is no rush on this or on most things
    when time is ripe things happen.

  8. matty03 Says:

    My suggestion would be to just try to let things happen as they feel they should.

    Man, you couldn’t pay me to visit my college campus! LOL!

    Hope you’re having a happy holidays!

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