I was telling Zac tonight that I felt lonely tonight at my family’s annual Christmas party. Thirty years of tradition, families gathering together, prayer, dinner and toasts, laughter and silly but fun conversation. All of this holiday cheer, surrounded by people that I love and I know love me, I somehow felt a little out of place.
And I can’t figure out what has changed. I grew up with this crowd. I use to be able to make them laugh at my antics. Suddenly I feel like a bumbling, fumbling idiot. I don’t know what to say sometimes. One of my cousins asked me if I was seeing anyone yet. When I replied yes (maybe my sub-conscious was screaming tell them about Mr. Canada), I had to back peddle when she screamed with delight and say something like “I didn’t hear what you said”. I changed my story to “I want to date, I just need to find someone to date”.
I felt really lonely when I saw the different couples maneuver themselves under the mistletoe. And I remembered that at 8 p.m. I was going to receive a virtual hug and kiss from my blog boyfriend. So walking to the wet bar, I lingered for about 5 under the pecking symbol. When my five minutes were up, I strolled over to the drink cart and poured myself a bubbly ginger ale and smiled.