The Warmth Under the Mistletoe

I was telling Zac tonight that I felt lonely tonight at my family’s annual Christmas party. Thirty years of tradition, families gathering together, prayer, dinner and toasts, laughter and silly but fun conversation. All of this holiday cheer,  surrounded by people that I love and I know love me, I somehow felt a little out of place.

And I can’t figure out what has changed. I grew up with this crowd. I use to be able to make them laugh at my antics. Suddenly I feel like a bumbling, fumbling idiot. I don’t know what to say sometimes. One of my cousins asked me if I was seeing anyone yet. When I replied yes (maybe my sub-conscious was screaming tell them about Mr. Canada), I had to back peddle when she screamed with delight and say something like “I didn’t hear what you said”. I changed my story to “I want to date, I just need to find someone to date”.

I felt really lonely when I saw the different couples maneuver themselves under the mistletoe. And I remembered that at 8 p.m. I was going to receive a virtual hug and kiss from my blog boyfriend. So walking to the wet bar, I lingered for about 5 under the pecking symbol. When my five minutes were up, I strolled over to the drink cart and poured myself a bubbly ginger ale and smiled.

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10 Responses to “The Warmth Under the Mistletoe”

  1. Steven Says:

    I was in the same predicament as you John and it seemed that the loneliness hurt more knowing there were opportunities this year that never materialized. I’d like to offer you a blog hug and kiss as well, if you don’t mind. 😉

    {{{{{John***}}}}}

  2. "Joe" Says:

    I understand that awkward feeling. WIsh I could give you a hug and kiss, too. I have this fear that I will be cast into outer darkness when/if “they” find out about me. Maybe so, probably not, but it will never be the same.

    Blessings, prayers, hugs and kisses to you. Shalom.

  3. Lemuel Says:

    Merry Christmas!

  4. kyle Says:

    happy holidays to you. i totally understand how that feels – but it was nice to read that bit about 5 minutes for your virtual hug. that made me smile.

  5. Mr. Canada Says:

    Yep! He remembered, closed his eyes and whispered to himself, “I love you John, Merry Christmas!” You are eh-one in my eyes! Haha!

    Steven and Joe, back off with the kissing John or we are going to have to throw down! Just kidding! 😉

  6. Kris Says:

    Merry Christmas to you John. *Hugs* I really hope you get to tell some of them at least one day. It’s really hard but with being able to tell them and whether or not they approve, you’ll be happier knowing you’re true to you. Hope this makes sense.. If not, I hope hugs would say it all jm.. Take care!

  7. Zachary Says:

    Aww, that Mr. Canada is one heckuva guy. I wish I knew him. He sounds awesome!

    I *know* you’re awesome, John!

  8. David Says:

    Mr. Canada is not kidding. John and him are serious about their together time and don’t take kindly to people getting in middle. Shall I bring up the Museum of Science and Industry, John? hmmm…? ;-P

  9. matty03 Says:

    Oh, sending you a hug. I think you’re growing into your more open and new self. I think, well, I know that can be awkward. Hold tight.

    You rock. Hold steady.

    And, happy New Year!

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