Wishing On Stars

One of my favorite country singers is Bryan White. In the early nineties he sang a song about what happens when you wish on a star that belongs to someone else. This lucky someone else would end up with the love of your life. I can recall playing his album over and over again.

This song recently came to mind over the past few days. Last week I went to a gay bar with one of my friends. He is also not out of the closet. While we were there a guy who introduced himself as Ben came up to me and offered to buy me a drink. In my defensive and suspicious state of mind, I declined the drink. Ben kept trying to start a conversation with me. I, however would not let my defensives down long enough to get to know him better. After a few minutes, he politely excused himself and walked away. I turned around to make sure he was gone and caught a glimpse of him as he walked out the exit door.

I assummed that he left so quickly because all he was trying to do was pick a random stranger for a quickie. A few nights later I found out how wrong I was about him. On my drive home that night, I kept thinking about how rude my attitude towards him had been. I should have invited him to sit down with us and I could have declined the drink more politely.

When my buddy and I went back to the bar, I saw him again. Standing in a better lit section of the bar, I could see him more clearly. The shadowy unknown of a dimmer glow was gone. He smiled when he saw me and I walked over to him. This time I thought to myself that I would offer to buy him the drink that I refused from him.

I offered the drink and he politely declined. He told me that he was just waiting for a friend. There were a few minutes of silence and we both searched our conversation manuals for something to say. He finally told me that the other night was his first night in a gay bar. He explained that he wasn’t out to anyone and had no one who would come to the bar with him. He then told me that of all the people there that I looked “safe” and it was the reason he approached me.

That fateful night, after I had declined his drink, he left a little embarassed and depressed. He walked out to his car and sat in it for awhile. He didn’t want to go home, but he couldn’t go to any of his friends houses to tell them why he felt bad. While he was sitting in his car he said a guy knocked on the window and asked him if he was alright. After some convincing the guy had finally talked him into coming back into the bar to talk. This kind stranger ordered a plate of fries and two sodas. He then told Ben, “Okay, a french fry for your thoughts”. Their conversation bloomed into friendship. Their laughter and meeting lasted until the lights signaled the closing of the bar. Their next few nights would be spent sipping coffee at a cafe til it closed or talking on the phone.

Ben told me that he was starting to develope a crush on this guy and it had only been a few days since they met. The guy had also expressed the fact he was developing feelings for Ben too.

As we sat down at a table Ben motioned for a waiter to take our order. He ordered a plate of fries and two sodas. Turning to me he said, “You said that you were also newly out. I got you some fries, now it’s your tell me your thoughts”. As we got to know each other, all I could think was Ben was someone that I could have gotten to know, someone that I probably would have fallen in love with. He has a perfect personality. We liked the same kind of music and have the same religious and political beliefs. And he has an amazing smile!

Ben’s crush walked through the door and I watched as his eyes lit up when they saw each other. Ben introduced me to his crush and as we shook hands, I could see the reasons for the attraction.

I left that night thinking I must have wished on that other guy’s star.

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11 Responses to “Wishing On Stars”

  1. urspo Says:

    try not to dwell on the ‘what ifs’ and the missed opportunities.
    rather, learn from the experience and move on. My experience is people find others when they least expect it or even want it – they ‘trip over them’ so keep going out/doing what you want and Fate will do the rest.

  2. Steven Says:

    (((((John)))))

    This was a learning experience for you as much as it was for him. Do not think of what had happened as a failure. Consider this perhaps as you meeting two new gay friends who know where you have been and share the same sentiments. As do I. And as Urspo says, keep going out and doing what you want. The tone in which you have been describing your “journeys” has only been getting more positive. 🙂

  3. Robert Says:

    Everything is miraculous, even to the tiniest details! 🙂 Many years I’ve lived by the motto: “What’s yours is yours, what’s not will never be.” It stills holds true for me today.

    Funny how sometimes we preconceive on how people are…… Everything is a lesson innit? 🙂

    xoxo

  4. Lemuel Says:

    I hope you will come to realize that your actions resulted in a blessing for Ben and I am confident that such bread, cast upon the waters, will return to bless you.

  5. Steve Says:

    I agree with urspo. What if’s can drive you crazy. Great story, you shared, though.

  6. Joe Says:

    Whoa! Courageous of you to go back up to him and for you all to share with one antother. Maybe he won’t become the love of your life, but you can still be friends.

    We live, we learn. You’re doing that. (Hope I am!) As all have said, move on. And be open to those things that present themselves. Even if someone is looking for a quickie, you can always say NO. Sometimes, those who think they are looking for that, really aren’t. We all want something deeper, richer, more meaningful.

    I know I am.

  7. Paul Says:

    I’m really glad — but maybe just a little surprised — that you made amends with Ben. Being gracious is contagious. Being in a gay bar is a sign that you’re either gay or gay-friendly.

  8. Kris Says:

    Well hopefully you might have found a friend at least because of what happened. Like urspo said, just try not to dwell on what you initially did since that really won’t do you any good. Perhaps now, you can be more open to whatever happens and maybe put down your defenses long enough and see where the other person is coming from.

    Seems like you’re a great guy though since out of all the people in the bar, he approached you just going by his gut feeling. It must have been difficult for him summoning up all that courage to strike a conversation with you. Anyway, you made ammends over what happened so kudos to that. Some would have just shrugged it off and acted like it never happened, yet you didn’t 🙂

    *Hugs* You’ll get your own star soon enough. Just remain open and let things will fall into place 🙂

  9. matty Says:

    I sometimes think thing just happen for a reason — not all the time, but sometimes.

    But, I think it is a good thing to always try to be open and friendly — the places we gays congregate can be more judgmental than any place under the sun. My policy is to always be friendly.

    However, here in GayTown I do draw the line at men who approach me with their pants down or who attempt to grab my crotch as a way of saying “hi’ — I will let those stars belong to anyone but me.

    You will find your star. That star was not meant for you and just might have enable the rightful owner to locate it.

    Hang in there!

  10. ink2metal Says:

    hey john,

    there’s not much that i can add to what the others have said except that i think you are brave. i’m sure you don’t always feel like you are, but you are on a difficult journey at this time in your life and it takes courage to keep moving forward. sometimes you will have to backtrack and choose a different path but that’s part of the journey. unfortunately there is no direct route to where you want to be, but you can enjoy the sights and the scenery along the way.

    p.s. thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. i’m glad you did. i find your blog compelling to read. i shall be checking in again.

    stay strong! and keep doing what you’re doing. i think you’re on the right path.

  11. Jim Says:

    You made a new friend and learned something, a good experience! Its interesting the sometimes wild difference between perception and reality.

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