I am still around. However, I don’t know what to write about right now. The only thing I know right now is some self-created drama. If I write about what I want to write about, this will be my third post in a row about how I hate my life right now. I know it isn’t fair to those readers who drop by to see how things are going. I hate whining because generally I’m not a whiner. I’m usually the person that helps my friends out of ruts. I’m not the kind that would ask for that lift up.
I hate feeling like this dark cloud isn’t going to lift. I have faith that it will. I firmly believe that God has a plan for me, that my prayers along this journey to becoming a physician have been answered. It’s a miracle itself that I passed the USMLE exams (especially Step 1). Getting through medical school has also been a huge triumph. So I do have those shining star moments.
But right now, I’m still sulking about not getting accepted into a residency program. It’s good sometimes. I talk to friends who have their own stories about getting accepted or denied. Many of them have their own success stories. What I hate is that often I find myself more jealous than happy for them. I ask myself, what was on their CV that made them stand out, what in their interview, what in their recommendations caused a board member to vote them through. And these thoughts make me question my own accomplishments and self worth.
I promise the next time I post, I won’t write about this. I know that it is getting old.
I hope everyone has had a good week and after I get this up, I’ll visit your blogs.