Still Around

I am still around. However, I don’t know what to write about right now. The only thing I know right now is some self-created drama. If I write about what I want to write about, this will be my third post in a row about how I hate my life right now. I know it isn’t fair to those readers who drop by to see how things are going. I hate whining because generally I’m not a whiner. I’m usually the person that helps my friends out of ruts. I’m not the kind that would ask for that lift up.

I hate feeling like this dark cloud isn’t going to lift. I have faith that it will. I firmly believe that God has a plan for me, that my prayers along this journey to becoming a physician have been answered. It’s a miracle itself that I passed the USMLE exams (especially Step 1). Getting through medical school has also been a huge triumph. So I do have those shining star moments.

But right now, I’m still sulking about not getting accepted into a residency program. It’s good sometimes. I talk to friends who have their own stories about getting accepted or denied. Many of them have their own success stories. What I hate is that often I find myself more jealous than happy for them. I ask myself, what was on their CV that made them stand out, what in their interview, what in their recommendations caused a board member to vote them through. And these thoughts make me question my own accomplishments and self worth.

I promise the next time I post, I won’t write about this. I know that it is getting old.

I hope everyone has had a good week and after I get this up, I’ll visit your blogs.

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11 Responses to “Still Around”

  1. Paul Says:

    OK. Time for a pep talk.

    You shouldn’t worry about what you don’t have, you should focus on what you’ve got. Go ahead make a list: 10 things to be joyous about.

    Tell me this: What’s your next step? What are the options? (I’m sure there’s not just one option.) The timing? The strengths and weaknesses of each option? Which one do you want to pursue next? Which one do you like the most? (I know I’m somewhat clueless here about what someone does when they don’t get matched with the desired residency immediately. But let’s just spend some time thinking this thing through.)

    I’ve got an uncle that went to law school, but never passed the bar. Never! Now, he’s got more business ventures than anyone else I know, and he enjoys them all. (Not that he wouldn’t have enjoyed being a lawyer, but he’s realized that he could enjoy a lot of other things, too.)

    I’m not trying to be glib here, but have you thought about the Peace Corp?

  2. Robert Says:

    In life, sometimes we’re so focused on getting that one ‘true’ thing, we tend to forget all the rest… There’s a lesson to be learned, if you want it.

    *Big big hugs to you JM*

  3. Jim Says:

    Five years from now this episode will be nothing more than cocktail party chatter for you.

    I know that thought doesnt accelerate you to a better frame of mind right now but it will happen.

  4. Doug Says:

    Don’t fault yourself for writing what’s on your mind. This blog is for you, not us. Have faith in yourself.

    I’ve been in a similar emotional situation for the past few months. I don’t know a way out, but the comments before this one seem like awesome suggestions which I’m going to try to follow.

  5. "Joe" Says:

    You are in medicine, a helping profession. We in the helping professions have a lot of trouble asking for help, admitting we are having a hard time, confessing that we cannot do it all. You are prone to such things (as am I — so I’m not casting any stones).

    If sharing what is going on for you is helpful, then do it. As Doug said, the blog is for you. You’re in a tough spot. No it ain’t the end of the world, but it hurts. let it, and tell us. Maybe we can help you bear it.

    When a dream we’ve planned does not come to pass, we have to mourn the loss of it. We may become dis-illusioned. And that’s not really a bad thing because it means the Illusions break down. There are, after all, illusions.

    Hard, painful, difficult as it seems, this may be what leads to the better path. But yes, it hurts. And I hate when that happens to me!

    Hang in. Hang on. tell us about it. You’re OK. You deserve help and encouragement, too. You are worth it.

  6. Steven Says:

    This is your blog John so write what is on your mind, it is a place for you to work out your thoughts. Not writing about what is truly bother you would be dishonest to the readers, if they don’t like it, the mouse can click them else where, however you know the people reading this are a great bunch of people who really care about you and want to know what is happening with you, so write what you want to, or maybe what you need to.

  7. Steven Says:

    Don’t worry about what we may be thinking. We’re still here for you in these tough times. I know I am not alone when I say that you have been there for me when I thought I was at my lowest. (((((John)))))

  8. urspo Says:

    nearly everyone in my internship ‘changed their minds’ and went onto do something else; myself included. not many actually end up where they first go; so go somewhere and get started and later transfer – it is done all the time.

  9. Allie Says:

    Hey – Stumbled onto your blog just now. Been going through some stuff myself, and know all about dark clouds. Right now, wherever you are, go outside if you can (or at least go to a window). Look at the sky. Take a few deep breaths. Tell yourself, “I will be okay”. smiles, Allie

  10. christopher Says:

    You’re going to be fine. Don’t worry about those things you can’t do anything about at this point and plan for the future. As for writing… just pour out what’s in your mind, heart and soul and all will be fine. We’re going to love what ever posts you put out there.

    -c

  11. Jason Says:

    Sorry I’ve been out of the blog loop for a bit.
    Looks like you’ve gotten a lot of really good advice in previous comments here.
    I know it’s hard right now, but it sounds like you have options and will be o.k. after a little readjusting. Big hugs buddy!!

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