What Does Goodbye Mean

I finally met someone. Our meeting wasn’t accidental, it was a blind date. My friend Josh set me up with his neighbor. Josh and I have been hanging out together for about two months now. I’ve been going out with him, his boyfriend Ben and my friend Mike (who until a few months ago was completely closeted). We became this unseparable foursome, going to get coffee together on a daily basis and on the weekends going to bars to hang out.

Two weeks ago, Josh told me that he was chatting with his newly single neighbor Andrew. He asked if I would mind being set up and I told him no. If Josh knew this person and would trust him to be a good set-up for me, then why not?

Andrew and I hit it off right away. I was constantly laughing and smiling around him. I couldn’t help myself. His own laugh and smile were contagious. When he asked me out for dinner, Josh must have prepped him because before I could answer, he said “you know no one knows where they will be tomorrow…but you’ve laid the foundation for your career so play a little”. Josh must have told him that I’ve often hidden behind my studies and medical school as an excuse not to live my extra-curricular life.

After our first official date, just the two of us, in a waterfront restaurant he asked me if he could call me “tomorrow”. I told him yes. That night a little after midnight my cell phone rang. When I answered it he said “it’s tomorrow”. Since that phone call I’ve worn out my smile. I don’t think I’ve laughed or smiled this much in a long time.

Since that phone call, we have eaten dinner together every night. We’ve had coffee and dessert in sidewalk cafes. I’ve spent nights under the stars on walks and on balconies talking about everything. I’ve told Andrew things I’ve never told anyone before–about my fears, my hopes and dreams. It’s been a whirlwind of two weeks. I understand how people can fall in love so quickly (although I’m not quite at the love stage just yet).

And now, I find out that I need to go north to push my career along. These plans have been months in the making. The seed that I planted has begun to sprout. If I let my heart make a decision, it would be to stay here and see where this relationship is going to go. However, my mind trumps my heart everytime and I know that I’ve got to go.

I’m scared of good-bye’s definition.

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13 Responses to “What Does Goodbye Mean”

  1. Lemuel Says:

    At the end of your post all I could hear was the theme from Goodbye Girl by Bread. My heart goes out to you as you work through a very difficult decision.

  2. "Joe" Says:

    Oh the ache, but as you said, none of us know where we’ll be tomorrow. Maybe knowing you wouldn’t be around too much longer (potentially) helped you relax a bit and join in.

    And maybe, just maybe things will work out in ways you never imagined. Let go of “outcomes” and let the Spirit move.

    And if there be grief, then embrace it, mourn, and live.

    I rejoice with you in what grace there is. Shalom.

  3. Steven Says:

    Que Sera sera, Whatever will be, will be.

  4. urspo Says:

    i am glad you are feeling blithe and giddy from new love.
    long distance relationships work out if the two are motivated.
    I have such for 3 years! but with committment it hanged together.
    So I advise to go ahead with your original plans.
    PS – another good sign this is a good thing is it came at such an inconvenient time; always a good sign!

  5. Steven Says:

    Oh no! What a great start to this post revealing all the glory that you have been basking in the last two weeks and now to be confronted with this impending separation. My heart aches for you. I like “Joe’s” take on this to not rely on the “outcomes” and see where this takes you. Perhaps at worst, you still have another friend? ((((John))))

  6. Steve Rebooted Says:

    I’m so happy for ya, and who says you can’t continue dating? Long distance may be the ‘right’ thing for you…..

  7. danny/ink2metal Says:

    hey john,

    life can be so bittersweet!?! sorry to hear that your love life and your academic life are at odds right now.

    all i can say is: don’t get hung up on the goodbye. enjoy the time you have together.

    as much as life can be bittersweet, it can also be unpredictable. so don’t assume that you and andrew won’t figure out a way to make a relationship work. anything is possible if you are willing to put in the effort.

    *hugs*

  8. Doug Says:

    That 2nd-to-last paragraph is magical.

    I agree with the others: don’t give up on the relationship because of a little distance.

  9. madhouse6 Says:

    i love love love love that you went out on that ledge and met a wonderful guy and have been having a blast.

    who knows what the future will bring… i say – don’t assign anything to it and see how it evolves.

    proud of you

    kyle (aka atomicpop)

  10. Robert Says:

    My motto is: “Let your heart be free and guide your way.” One can NEVER go wrong on whatever that may be with no regrets.

    Take care JM.

  11. Kris Says:

    Hmm, I thought I left a comment on this one but oh well.. Anyways, I’m happy to see this happening to ya, but at the same time I’d say just go with it and see where it’ll take you. Enjoy it for what it is. *Hugs*

  12. Troll Mail Says:

    It’s love, it’s love, that makes the world go ’round.
    Hang on. Long-distance relationships are a bitch.
    Good luck.

    T@C

  13. christopher Says:

    I’m glad to have read the follow-up post first! I think good bye is a difficult issue and prefer to think of it as a respite.

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