The Question Priveledge

One of my roommates who I came out to recently asked me if he could ask me questions about homosexuality. I told him he could ask anything he wanted, but I also said I didn’t know if I had the right answers. He didn’t ask any that night, but somehow knowing that he could ask questions seemed to place his mind at ease.

This was a roommate that I thought was the most uncomfortable when I told him I was gay. I hadn’t planned on coming out to my roommates. I wasn’t sure how either would take the news. But when Andrew had called saying he found a ticket to fly up and see me, I felt like I had no choice but to explain. Or maybe I was tired and just didn’t want to keep that closet door closed anymore. My roommate looked like he just got sucker punched and then quietly said “that’s kinda cool”. But the whole weekend Andrew was here, he didn’t come home and stayed at his girlfriend’s apartment. They usually do their shacking in our apartment, she even has clothes in his drawers.

He hasn’t asked any questions, yet, but has taken me out for a health shake (his treat) and invited me to hang out with some of his buddies. He told me he didn’t tell them anything and that was up to me. Wow, he understood the “I’m in the closet for the most part” of my confession. And now our relationship is back to the way it was in medical school.

I think knowing that he could ask, could question, could research made it easier for him to comprehend that it is something different for me and for him. As I take my own journey, I have found that talking about it with people isn’t as difficult as I once thought.

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7 Responses to “The Question Priveledge”

  1. "Joe" Says:

    Yea! I hope you are proud of yourself as you look at how far you’ve come! I yearn for the day I can do the same! I guess I’m rejoicing viariously!

    Your roomate may have (thoughfully) stayed at girlfriend’s to give you and Andrew some privacy. Or maybe he just needed space.

    It is so often true, when we don’t make a big deal of something, others don’t often, either. The lower our anxiety about it, the lower theirs will be too. I hope!

  2. Lemuel Says:

    It sounds as if he is trying to deal with it all – but is being fair with you. You have allowed the doors of communication to be opened and as time goes on I think he will return to understand that you are the same guy that you always were.

  3. Ur-Spo Says:

    it does get easier with time, yes.

  4. Steven Says:

    I am glad to hear JM that it is getting easier for you. Here’s to the day when it doesn’t even “phase you.” You’re heading down the right path. 😀

    In regards to your roommate disappearing for the weekend, turn it into a positive and think that your roommate disappeared to give you “space” with Andrew.

  5. joeliustook Says:

    Glad to hear it’s getting easier for you as well. I for one can’t wait until I’m further along this path. I hate just starting out a journey, because I get frustrated easily. I know where I want to be, and I don’t have the patience to go through everything to get to that point, ya know? Anyways, it’s been great chatting with you. Hopefully it does get easier with time…

  6. Doug Says:

    It’s nice you have a roommate who is thoughtful and doesn’t just offer knee-jerk reactions to things.

  7. A Troll at Sea Says:

    People will surprise you if you let them.
    I would say on the whole that the pleasant surprises outnumber the unpleasant, and that even the unpleasant can improve with time.
    I am glad you can be easier “at home.”

    All the best.
    T@C

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