I Heard That….

Last weekend, I went on an annual camping trip with my college buddies. My buddies, well most of them, have recently found out I am gay. One of my trusted best friends leaked it during a drunken conversation at a wedding. So word spread. Most of them have not brough it up with me.

I went to sleep early. We had rented a cabin with several bunks and pull-out beds. I took one of the pull-outs. My other buddies were still outside enjoying a bonfire, playing cards and drinking.

When they started to come in, a group of them assessed the empty sleeping spots. One of my friends said “Who’s going to sleep beside John”. There was a moment of silence and then another said “Don’t be an ass” and then he slumped in the empty spot beside me. When the other two had found their empty spots, he whispered “I hope you didn’t hear that, but if you did he’s an ass”. He then squeezed my elbow.

I told him that I had heard it. He said he was sorry.

Although comments like this sting, it’s probably a natural part of the coming out process and I will probably have to deal with worse comments. The thing that makes it so bad is that one of my friends had said it. And it made me wonder what kind of comments were made while I wasn’t around to hear them.

My buddy that had reassured me, asked me later to be one of his groomsmen for his upcoming wedding. He actually choked up a bit when he said something like I have always been a good friend to him and that he would be really happy if I did this. You know I thought they hid us at their celebrations. I guess not in his case.

I guess there will be good and bad bricks in this pathway. I am glad that solid bricks have prevented me from completely falling.



14 Responses to “I Heard That….”

  1. Paul Says:

    Actually, that’s not a bad story all things considered. It’s clear that you’ve got got some very good friends covering your back.

  2. Robert Says:

    I believe people who make hurtful remarks like that are stemmed from the lack of undestanding… Y’know good friends don’t come around too often… It’s what your heart gives away that returns ten-fold.

  3. "Joe" Says:

    I’m more and more convinced that most straight people don’t have a clue. And, most straight men are SOOOO uncomfortable with their own sexuality, let alone, ours.

  4. Brad Says:

    What an awesome friend you have there.

  5. Lemuel Says:

    Kudo’s to your friend for both his actions that night and his willingness to risk ridicule himself by having you in his wedding. I hope you said yes! He is a good friend I think.

    Also kudo’s to you for not letting the comments of the drunken friends eat you up. Go on with your journey. As you go forward, I think that others will see you for the good man that you are and come around.

  6. Jennifer Says:

    You have a good friend. My brother is about as right wing as they come. Very prudish and black and white. He appears to be a backwards thinking ass sometimes though not because he says hurtful things, he doesn’t, he just has an aloofness to him. His best friend came out to him about ten or 15 years ago. Everyone assumed that my brother would have faded away from the friendship. They have been as close as ever while others have taken different paths. We find out who our friends are in times like these and aside from the stupid comment, which we all make from time to time especially when alcohol is involved, it sounds like you have a good bunch.

  7. Steve Rebooted Says:


  8. Steven Says:

    Don’t focus on the guy that was an ass, some men will always be boys, instead focus on the guy who found out and told you your friendship was important to him. Plus who was the dumb ass that got drunk and slipped it at a wedding! Top floor must have been empty in his building!

  9. urspo Says:

    alas you will get insensitive comments from straight men but most of it is bleeding ignorance; you can be a good role model here
    or frighten them to pieces with innuendo (jolly good fun).

  10. True To Themselves « Defying Despondency Says:

    […] I Heard That….. […]

  11. Jim Says:

    Sounds like you’ve got a good handle on the situation; some people will struggle to adjust to the new reality (and make inappropriate comments) while others will accept it easily. After a time you will know exactly where to make your friend investments.

  12. Steven Says:

    Sounds to me like the “mortar” is doing a good job of knowing which “bricks” to hold onto and knowing which bricks should buckle and wither away. Keep forward on that “pathway,” John!

  13. danny/ink2metal Says:

    hey john,

    forget about the ones who make inconsiderate and ignorant comments. you do have some good friends and those are the ones to cherish.

    and kudos for being chosen as a groomsman. i’m sure you’ll do your friend proud.


  14. madhouse6 Says:

    now that’s what you call friendship.

    it’s those little moments where real friendship shines the strongest.

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