This post is a follow up to my last one. It’s just a little late. I’ve been somewhat busy and somewhat lazy…but I did want to tell you all more about the weekend my college buddies met Andrew.
Later that night, (after the football game and after making fools of ourselves at a local bar) we were crashing at the condo of my buddy Rob. Rob was one of my roommates in college. He and I would spend many nights studying late and would crawl out onto the roof to chat and have coffee and cigarettes. Lots of great conversations and this latest one may have topped them all.
Rob and I were basically the only ones left awake. I didn’t drink because I wanted to make sure everyone got home safely (and I for the most part gave up drinking). Rob didn’t drink very much because he promised his fiancee that he wasn’t going to go nuts. And he kept his promise…(I applaud him and if we were still in college I would have smacked him with my fist).
We didnt’ have a roof, but we did have his balcony. He poured us two glasses of wine (we graduated, so no coffee) and motioned towards the balcony. He said something about being too old to attempt crawling onto the roof and that his condo had no access to it anyway. In college all of our bedroom windows led to our patio roof and that is where many conversations between all the roommates occurred.
He asked me a little bit about Andrew. I told him how we met and how there were bumps in the road. I told him about how I loved laying my head on his chest and hearing his heartbeat. I told him that Andrew can make me laugh about any of my horrible situations and just the sound of his voice can make my day. I told him that I always look forward to the millions of texts that I get from him on a daily basis. I told him that he can make me extremely angry and extremely happy at the same time. I said that although I want to pull my hair out at times, there is no one else I would rather be angry about or happy with.
I told Rob about how nervous I was that he was meeting them. I said that I felt like throwing up just thinking about this meeting. He asked if I wanted them to meet each other. I told him yes, but at the same time I told him no. I said that their meeting would make it reality—–“I am a gay man”. And that although they had sort of accepted it, it would still be weird to me. (but this is a topic for another blog entry, so we’ll expand this later).
Andrew said the reality of all of this is…”You are in love!”. He said that he could tell I was in love because of the way I made sure Andrew was comfortable when I tucked his “passing out ass” into the hideaway bed. Rob told me he could tell by the way I looked at him and ordered his second order of wings with the sauce on the side (just the way Andrew likes them). He said that when I introduced him to them, that I had grabbed Andrew’s hand and said that I wanted them to meet someone who was a big part of my life and after I held his hand a relaxed smile came over me. Rob reminded me that when Andrew went out to the car to get our stuff, I had told them not to be assholes to Andrew and that to hold all comments until later and even if they had comments I told that I was going to defend Andrew anyway.
After a few sips of wine I told Rob that Andrew could be whiny and needy. But I said it was alright because I needed to be needed at times. I also said that whiny could be alright and I had two hundred flaws for the one that Andrew had. The ratio was out of proportion. Andrew was ten times smarter than I was….one hundred times more humorous….he was much better looking…more presentable…a better conversationalist…more well rounded…and the list goes on. So this one flaw, to my seven hundred was nothing.
It took my hetero friend (who admitted he was freaked out at first–to find out that one of his good friends is a gay man, much less dating another gay man) to open my eyes and tell me that I am in love. Rob told me that when he first introduced his fiancee to us that he wanted to pop a valium, that his nerves ate away at his very sanity. He said he almost faked being sick so that he wouldn’t have to introduce us all, that all of this nervousness was because we needed both parties that we loved to get along.
My straightie friend made me realize that I was falling in love.