Some Things Will Change Along the Way

On Saturday, I attended a party that consisted of old classmates, both from high school and college (and the new friends that they brought). I invited Chris and Phillip to come along. Funny, in high school he would have been the one to have been invited first, he probably would have had the party himself.

On the way to the party, I had asked Chris if he kept in touch with Dean (the host). They were part of an inseparable group in high school. He said no and then remained silent. I realized that I brought up a touchy subject.

Chris then told me that he had come out to Dean a few years back. Dean said he was okay with it, but then suddenly stopped calling, and was a bit too cordial or formal when they had run into each other at social functions. I told him that Dean was more than happy to oblige when I asked if I could bring Chris and some other friends. I didn’t tell Dean about Phillip and Chris’s relationship. I figured if Chris wanted anyone to know, he would tell them.

Chris then told me that along the way, some things will change. Some relationships would be severed, others would deepen, and relationships that were superficial, will blossom. He said it all depends on the type of character each person has. He said that he lost a lot of friends along the way, while others sort of drifted out of his life. But he added that his real friends, gave 100 percent support and treated him no differently then they did before.

When we got to Dean’s house people looked up in surprise to see Chris there. Dean gave him a cordial hug, much too formal. My hug was more warm and welcoming. There were more people who were more happy to see Chris and more welcoming. But there was a rift between Dean and Chris that was obvious, I saw more tension from Chris, but he hid it well.

After the party, Chris said that he had hoped things would have changed, that Dean would have matured with the birth of his children or even the success of becoming a partner in his company. He said one of the reasons he had agreed to come was because he thought that maybe Dean would have started acting like the old days. However, he found that Dean was still the same since the day he had come out.

When I got home, I called some of my own friends (the ones that know). I just wanted to hear their voices and know that along the way, I made the right choices in friendship and who to come out to. It was so good to talk to them and know that at least for me, with my group of buddies, things didn’t really change.


12 Responses to “Some Things Will Change Along the Way”

  1. Robert Says:

    I feel for your friend Chris, at least he now knows where Dean stands… but change is constant. Must we embrace it? I think what’s more important here is the issue of acceptance, for both parties.

    Happy Monday Luff.

  2. Steven Says:

    A somber report from Chris’ side yet a promising one from your side. Glad to hear of those right choices you made in friendship. I can recall how the attitudes of my friends changed toward me once their children were born.

  3. Lemuel Says:

    Your action to call your friends when you got home from the party – to have that reassurance – reminded me of the scene in the movie “Philadelphia” in which the lawyer, returning home from his intense encounter with the Tom Hanks character to his sleeping family, needs to hold them tight in reassurance.

    You are fortunate to have such friends that remain close to you. May your newly rediscovered friend Chris find in you and others the reassurance that will also give him the courage to move confidently into his future.

  4. urspo Says:

    true friends will stay with you regardless of who you are viz. being gay.
    The rest – well, as I age, I take the ‘screw’em’ approach.

  5. Greg C. Says:

    Times change. People do seem to float in and out of our lives, sometimes for apparent reasons, sometime not. At least you have a good seat of friends who know you and accept you. Chris has that, too, and now you’re both part of each others’ circle of friends. That’s good enough.

  6. Robert Says:

    Hi JM. I was thinking about you this morning! Hope you’re doing well my dear!! Enjoy the weekend!! Enjoy everything!!! :-*

  7. matty03 Says:

    This was a great post. I’m glad you called your friends.

    I don’t know that we change as people, but friendships/relationships seem to either evolve or de-evolve.

    …and, I find this so difficult to understand/accept.

    I try to rise above it, but I can be just as bad about it as anyone else.

    We humans are an interesting bunch.

    Hope you’re doing well and it seems that you are rising above it!

    love and kisses,

  8. Steven Says:

    Sad when people react like that, he is missing out on a friendship and the more we have in this world the better. What do straight guys think we are going to do, say hi and then ask them to take a shower with us, even then I would be nice enough to wait for him to drop the soap first…. just kidding!

  9. Melissa B. Says:

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  10. Jim Says:

    True, some things do change, but usually its for the best. Of course, it would be very helpful if you could see the good in it coming years in advance 🙂

  11. Christopher Says:

    I often wonder about society as a whole with that many people that can allow themselves to fall in and out of chord one with another. In the end, only the truest of loves and friends remain through the years. Even then some degree of evolution occurs in the relationships, but it does endure.

    It may be a testament to your choice of friends, but it may be a much larger accolade of how you nurture and maintain your friendships!


  12. Robert Says:

    Where’s your New Year’s Resolution post?!? Can’t find it? waaaaaaa!

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