What Did I Miss

I mentioned an older couple in my last blog entry. I was fascinated by them, the fact that they have been a couple since the sixties and that they were still a couple. They looked and acted very much in love, like they were still in the early stages of their relationship. It was gross, no PDA, just the feeling that one would get while talking to them and watching the way they reacted to one another.

It made me think that I’ve missed a good portion of my life. Although they stayed in the closet for a good many years, they still had each other. They still had gone to gay clubs (what few there were) and had a circle of gay friends even in their early twenties. In my early twenties, I was still running away from the word gay. I was hiding mostly from myself. They were discovering themselves and finding ways to express it.

Now as I enjoy my new circle of friends and my relationship with Andrew, I find that I could have had this all along had I not shoved it all into the back of a closet.


11 Responses to “What Did I Miss”

  1. Lemuel Says:

    Sing my song!

  2. Jim Says:

    Eloquently put. Keep in mind when you’re scrutinizing your past that some people never get to where you are. 🙂

  3. Troll at Sea Says:

    Window Man:

    “Nothing is wasted” — and it is truer of life than of anything else.

    You did what you did and you know what you know, which isn’t so bad. And you are alive. Hardly a day goes by that I don’t thank God that the Goat and I still are. So far.

    No regrets.
    Just live now.


  4. Robert Says:

    Y’know JM, I tell myself that there’s a time and place for every thing. Back then, it just wasn’t your time. Nothing wasted, nothing gained… and now, here we are! 🙂

    Have a great weekend sweetness!

  5. Patrick Says:

    I’ve been looking at my closeted past recently as well. One of the weirdest things about coming out for me was how few negative responses I got. It’s very easy to think I tortured myself as a teenager for nothing. But that’s the sad thing about closets; we work out our feelings alone, and have to navigate the messages all around us coming from school, church, maybe even family. Don’t beat yourself up for taking the time you needed. With many hurdles, once we’re past it, it’s easy to wonder what we were so afraid of, but that’s the way fear works. It creates big, vague, overwhelming dangers that affect us deeply precisely because they’re so vague. Celebrate that you’ve come this far. Getting here wasn’t easy, give yourself credit for doing it.

  6. Brad Says:

    Don’t have any regrets because where you were makes who you are now. I like you just fine the way you are. Never look back and wonder about the things that you could have changed. That moment in time is over. Only ponder where you will be in the future, because that is where you can effect change for you and others. Just my two cents and it’s worth exactly that.

  7. urspo Says:

    never dwell on the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘what might have beens’ it will drive you nuts. Always focus on the lessons and what will you do now and differently !

  8. Steven Says:

    Funny that you wrote this post, I had the same talk with Dave the other night and it was from reading about the fun you are having now with your gay friends. Not that I don’t want you to have fun, but I can’t help think all the fun times I missed not growing up gay with a gay group of friends. I feel I missed out on a lot, on my life, I try not to look back but some days I just can’t help it.

  9. Steven Says:

    We all have our time. That older couple you speak of probably said the same thing toeach other. And it was sooo much harder back in the day to even show the slightness of being gay. Bask in what you have been able to achieve in such a short time. No regrets! 🙂

  10. Paul Brownsey Says:

    You do mean “wasn’t gross” rather than “was gross”, don’t you? Otherwise it’s a pretty vicious remark…

  11. johnmichael Says:

    Oh yeah Paul, I meant wasn’t gross…it was just so natural, their affection for one another.
    Oops, just saw that mistake…yikes, I wonder how many people thought I was being vicious.

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