Broken Hearts

One of my good friends is going through a relationship break-up. Sometimes just seeing him makes my heart just want to fix all of it. I can’t imagine what he is feeling. He expresses his feelings to me, but I can’t comprehend the hurt he must be feeling.

I vowed to myself that with every relationship I get into, whether it’s friendship or love, that I won’t leave bitter. I also tell myself that every relationship has it’s learning pupose, no matter what the lesson is, that nothing should be left with regret. You can’t regret if you once felt love right?

However, as I get ready to have lunch with Brian and I think about the hurt he feels, I want nothing more than to let his old boyfriend know the hurt he has caused. And I’m wondering, does he feel the same sense of loss that Brian feels? Does he wake up late at night wondering what Brian is thinking? Brian is at that “did he ever love me” stage. I don’t know what to tell him. None of us ever got to meet his significant other.

I know I’ve only known Brian since Christmas, but we’ve become really good friends since then. He’s one of the guys that is attempting to teach me how to dance. I got out with him and Adam at least four times a week. Interesting that in such a few months, he’s become one of my best friends–and yes I know I have quite a few best friends–but he’s up there with my college buddies. I can’t help but feel saddened for him and I really wish I could make it better.

Since I’m new with my own love relationship, I don’t know what could go wrong, what could cause someone to fall out of love with another person. Like I said, I don’t know the whole story. I am only getting Brian’s side. But Brian’s take on the hurt is enough to make me sad.


4 Responses to “Broken Hearts”

  1. Steven Says:

    As part of you “getting to know him,” perhaps these are some questions you can ask Brian as long as you feel he can handle the questions without getting distraught about it? “You know, as part of a break-up, I always try to reconcile it on good terms so that we can remain friends. How are you feeling about this, Brian?”

    Then again, if I am the one who is doing the breaking up, I am more successful in achieving that. However, if I am not causing the break-up, remaining friends can be somewhat bitter. Particularly if he moves on faster or didn’t seem to be affected by the break-up.

  2. Troll at Sea Says:


    It is a question of a relationship reaching a tipping point. All people, and hence all relationships, are a mix of good and bad [or, to be more PC, less than good]. While tunnelvision can make it all seem good at the beginning and all bad at the end, the truth famously lies somewhere in the middle.

    Dr. Joy Brown used to tell people to make a list of all the things you like about your significant other and the ones you don’t, and then look at the list. Or, she’d ask: are you better off with him or without him?

    If things are irreparable, you know that, too. I wanted more than anything to be able to be myself AND stay with Isis–it was only her “all or nothing” approach, which I had once advertised as mine, that made leaving necessary; I was past the point where I could go on keeping my mouth shut, no matter what I actually DID.

    We all have lines in the sand, whether we recognize them or not.

    I think the best thing a friend can do is listen MUCH more than you speak. They’ll ask you for an opinion if they want it.

    Hang in there.

  3. Kris Says:

    Sometimes the best thing that a friend can do is to be there and listen. As much as we want to, we can’t always find the words to say to help someone that’s hurting.

    There’s always two sides to the story like you said and it sucks that your friend Brian was on the receiving end of the break up. Being the one who initiates a break up isn’t easy either, we’re hurting also but it just got to the point that one feels it best to just let go if the feelings aren’t there anymore. One can’t pinpoint the one defining reason to cause a break up, I know I’m still having trouble with that but it just felt that things weren’t working out for me.

    It’ll take time before Brian can move on but it’ll come. *Hugs for him*

  4. (F)reddy Says:

    Break ups aren’t always a bad thing. I’m friends will all of my exes. And, without to much disclosure, that’s a hell of a lot of exes! See, there’s no reason to not remain friendly with people you break up with. The good things about that person from when you met are still there in the end. Sure, aspects change. But if someone is a good enough persson for you to go down on, then they’re good enough to be friends with int the end. Not to mention EVERY relationship is a learning experience. So it shouldn’t be looked upon negatively, it’s a valuable learning too.

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