You Can’t Evict Someone Out of the Closet

This weekend my relatives got together to enjoy some relaxation and fun in the sun.

One conversation really bothered me. One of my cousins got hitched a couple months ago and we were looking at pictures and reminiscing about the event.

Out of the blue my cousin said “yea that groomsmen is gay…he told me…although he doesn’t want anyone to know…he’s still in the closet and wants to keep it that way…he’s only told me and several other people”. Why do straighties take it upon themselves to out people?

When I asked her why she said anything, my philosophical brother replied “if he really didn’t want anyone to know, he wouldn’t have told anyone in the first place”. What kind of argument is that? What don’t people understand about taking this first step?

And why do they think it’s so simple to just step out, to make that announcement. And why the heck did she disrespect his feelings, his privacy this way. Yeah, I do remember that he was quite smashed that night, and why he chose to speak to my cousin about this, I don’t understand. I do know that sometimes it’s easier to speak to a stranger.

Later on that night, he also spoke to me. He was out by the pool and having a waiter bring him shots. I thought it was weird that a waiter was bringing trays of shots out of the reception area and followed. The guy  talked about how weddings were not his “thing”…and then he just said “I’m a closeted gay and weddings just remind me about something I will never have”.

When we hugged good-bye, he said something that still tugs at my heart today. He whispered, “I’m so tired and I’m not even physically tired yet”.

On a good note, I called him tonight. He had given me his number and asked me to call him. I hadn’t thought about him till this weekend. It was a great conversation and he’ll be driving up to visit in two weeks to meet with some of the friends that I told him I made along the way. I’m going to stash him away at my friend Adam’s house. I’m still trying to get Andrew to fly up that weekend.

He told me he’s still in the closet, but it will be okay to meet other people who can help him open a window!

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8 Responses to “You Can’t Evict Someone Out of the Closet”

  1. Robert Says:

    Straighties. Funny!

    Nice that you two met each other and exchanged numbers. Share the love! 🙂

  2. BearToast Joe Says:

    Here you are helping someone else on the journey out! Good for you! What a gift you can give, and are giving!

  3. Urspo Says:

    If I read this right, the person is a lousy secret keeper, and broke me word of etiquette. that seems to be the issue at hand for me.
    on the other hand, it made me wonder if this was disclosed purposely do a talker, knowing that it would be ” announced”?

  4. Steven Says:

    I think it reinforces what the straight world does not understand as what is a struggle for some closeted people; and what straight people take for granted. It also makes me pause to think back to when I first started communicating with you and see how far you have come. You may need to revise your blog title. 🙂

  5. Bob Says:

    When I hear gay people talk about how “tired” they are staying in the closet it makes me almost weep. Don’t they see that coming out erases all those awkward moments? Those is ‘he-or-isn’t-he’ questions?
    Glad this guy found you. Maybe you can help him bust open the door.

  6. Lemuel Says:

    You are a good friend. It is obvious that the woman that he told is not.

  7. R Says:

    I think the fact that he’s telling people means that he wants others to find out. Do you think he really expected her to keep a secret?

    Maybe you should tell him that everyone already knows.

  8. midnightgardener Says:

    Unfortunately, the “straighties” (heh…) don’t understand anything about taking a first step. They’ve never had to, on the level that you’re discussing. Like Steven says, they just take such comfort for granted, so I guess it’s hard to blame them for insensitivities.

    But it’s cool that the two of you found each other in the midst of those straighties and managed to make a friend connection…you just can’t have too many of those!

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