Broken Gaydar

I have written about it before. I don’t have good gaydar. In fact, unless someone is admittedly out, or else just on fire flaming, I can’t tell if they are gay or straight. In some ways, I think this may be a good thing. It tells me that we blend in with the rest of the crowd (or at least to me, we do). It tells me that I don’t see stereo-types.

The other day at work, I ran into a male nurse in the cafeteria. He was always pleasant to me whenever we ran into each other. And no, I didn’t think he was gay because he was a male nurse. There was something about him that I thought flagged gay. I’m not sure what it was, something inside me bleeped “he’s gay”.

Anyway, he asked if I was eating with anyone. I normally eat on the roof with one of my co-workers, but she had called off sick. I told him no and he sat down. As we got to know each other, I even thought he was being a bit flirty. But again I think I was wrong.

As we were saying good-bye he said something like “one more night in this heck hole and I go on vacation with my wife and daughter”.

So there it is…I can never pick them.


7 Responses to “Broken Gaydar”

  1. Peter Says:

    Maybe your Gaydar is not broken, you should know by now that some of our Family are married with the other sex. And are happy with that.

  2. Brad Says:

    Being married does not make one un-gay.

  3. Lemuel Says:

    I agree with Peter and Brad and I offer Exhibit A: myself. Your lunch mate at this point may not be able to admit to himself that he is gay. He may have himself convinced that he is not. I was there – for a very long time. From what I have read of you, JM, I know that you will not force the issue with him. Give him space. Give him time. Be his friend. If he is gay, he may come to that self realization thanks to the kindness and support of people like yourself.

  4. Urspo Says:

    In my experience, “Gaydar” is merely very good observation combined with keen intuition. Good attributes for a doctor to have! People can develop these innate skills if they want.
    I think gay men had to develop theirs by necessity. Necessity made them in need to ‘find out others’ in subtle ways. I think with a more open culture we may loose this ‘edge’ as it is no longer needed?

  5. Rob Says:

    In some cases it’s obvious and in others it can be hard to tell. I’m sure you have some level of gaydar.

  6. Steven Says:

    I agree with Peter, Brad AND Lemuel. 😉 I love Ur-Spo’s rationale. My gaydar tends to be all over the place and hard for me to detect as well. But I want to attribute it to not being “out there” to gauge as much as I should.

  7. RG Says:

    My Gaydar is so out of calibration since I had to watch a bunch of steelworkers put up the steel skeleton of a new building across the alley from my old workplace. I got NO work done that summer as I was outside with my laptop…..

    And don’t even get me started on trying to figure out European boys with my Gaydar, but then again they’re less likely to fag-bash you if you do “make an offer”. Usually it’s just a polite thank you and would you like another beer. Sigh…

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