One of the reasons I haven’t posted in so long is because nothing in my life merits writing about. I feel my life is in a stand still and when you are standing still, you are surrounded by the same scenery, the same environment. And there is nothing to describe, once you’ve already described it. Maybe I feel uninspired at this moment. I am not saying I feel blah. This word certainly doesn’t describe my inner emotions. However, there is really nothing going on that I feel is worth sharing.
I do miss writing though. Maybe I need a muse. Where would I find one? And what is the cure for writer’s block? If I had to diagnose the cause of my lack of writing, writer’s block could definitely be one of the differentials. But it wouldn’t be true writer’s block, because in order to have the block, one must have an idea but not be able to express in writing this idea. I don’t have a subject to write about. Writer’s block would probably be third or fourth in the line of diagnoses.
It could be the weather. I don’t tend to flourish in the sun. During the warmer seasons, I tend to stay indoors. Although I love to exercise, I move that activity into the gym (running on a treadmill isn’t as satisfying as taking in the outdoors during a great spring or autumn day). Tennis games can be distracting when the sound of a bouncing ball echos or the muffled grunt of an opponent is amplified. So weather related restrictions can also be attributed to my lack of writing subjects.
Mostly however, I think that having not made the medical residency match is also a downer. I dread having to redo my applications and tweak my personal statement. And it isn’t that I don’t want to share this event with my friends, but I don’t want to rehash what I think went wrong during interviews or why my application may not have attracted prospective programs. I want to be able to say, “I didn’t match this year” and that would be enough. The conversation takes this analytical tangent after the initial “awww, that’s too bad”. It isn’t verbally asked, but the underlying tone of their question is–what is wrong with you. This is may be my own paranoia, my own insecurities manifesting itself through conversations which may be just that, conversations about helping me to prepare for next year’s match.
Back to the diagnosis for my malady, I am hoping to get a hobby which will enable me to write again. I do miss writing.