I was thinking out loud, but not necessarily flirting. I don’t think I know how to flirt. I think I’m bad at it. Everything I want to say always comes out cheesy or messy. When I think about what I want to say, in my head it sounds like a nightmare. I’m not intelligent enough to create lines that sound witty or unassuming.
When this guy came into our research department, I immediately noticed him. No one comes to our section of the hospital unless they have to (medical/nursing students), are participating in a study or lost. This guy was standing in the lobby and looking around. He waited and didn’t have the “where the hell am I” demeanor. All my co-workers were in their own world, eyes on computer screens or buried in paper work. No one noticed this extremely good looking guy politely waiting for someone to take notice of him. He wasn’t an outside participant because he had an i.d. badge which gave him access through the employee entrance. So I am hoping my fellow research geeks were not being rude, but just waiting for him to do what he had to, and allow them to continue doing what they love best, academia.
I got up from my desk and asked him, “Are you good looking?”. And immediately realized that I had said this out loud, retracted my statement and said, “Are you looking for someone?”. He replied he was and gave me the name of the clinical coordinator. I walked him back to this person’s desk.
After half an hour, he peeped his head into my office and said, “to answer your question, it depends on who is making the assessment. I’m getting a coffee, would you like one?”.
I politely declined because I had paper work to do. In reality, I’m seeing someone who I really like. It’s better to avoid temptation. I could justify a cup of coffee with a reason as simple as “I’m making a friend”. But I don’t want to give any wrong impressions or even test those waters. He smiled and said, “I’ll see you around…I have a long project on a paper I’m writing”. And my assumption that he is gay (my gaydar is broken) could have been way off base. He may have just been friendly and needed an opinion of any clinical work he was doing.
When I later told my friends of my slip of the tongue, they told me it was a clumsy flirt–a 3 out of 10 score. But they said, he must also be a cheeser for reacting to my comment.
And in my defense, he was good looking. But I was not flirting. I was just thinking out loud.