I have no words right now. I have never felt so broken in my life. I have never felt so alone even though I am surrounded by the love of friends, family and loved one.

I said goodbye to my everything yesterday. He took his last breath in the afternoon.

One minute I’m fine and I think, it was his time to go. My mother said to me “he was a good man and only the good die young”. He was so good. He was so good to me. And I will never feel this kind of love ever again. H was and will always be my everything.

The outpouring of text and phone calls have meant a lot. I feel bad that I don’t communicate more with the condolences. I have just answered with “thank you, it’s appreciated”.

Meeting with the funeral home later today.

Thank you so much for the support you have extended these past couple weeks It means so much. And I feel like I know you all, more than just virtually.

40 Responses to “Broken”

  1. anne marie in philly Says:

    OMG! my condolences on the loss of your love, dear. I send you virtual {{{{{hugs}}}}}}. may his memory bring you comfort. please feel free to write about him again and again.

  2. Sixpence Notthewiser Says:

    Oh no!
    I’m so very sorry for your loss, JM. So, so sorry!
    Please don’t hesitate to reach out or to use this (or my) blog to pour your feelings into. We are here for you.
    Sending you hugs.


  3. Urspo Says:

    There are words now: I won’t try. I am glad to know you are surrounded by love here and at home. We all feel with you

  4. Mistress Borghese Says:

    Omg!!!!!!!!!!!!! No.
    You have my deepest condolences and healing wishes. I know words can’t help. But try to remember when the words gets brutal and you get sad…and lonely….stop and remember all the happy memories you had and wrap yourself in them JM. He will never be that far. Im am leaving now…as I am becoming a mess of hearing of another loss .

    Hugs my dear

  5. Sassybear Says:

    With all my heart, I send you my sincerest and deepest sympathy. I know there’s nothing I can say to ease or share your pain. But know your blogger community cares and would help if we could. Breathe and take it a day at a time.


  6. Jeffrey Says:

    Oh 😦 Sending all the love from my heart to yours.

  7. Old Lurker Says:

    Oh no. This damned virus.

  8. mcpersonalspace54 Says:

    I am so incredibly sorry to read this. I cannot image what you are going through. Please know you are in my thoughts, and don’t be afraid to reach out to us. I know you must be in a state of shock now. Take it one day at a time.

  9. David R Snyder Says:

    I am so sorry to hear this terrible news. My heart is with you.

  10. Kirk Says:

    Oh, damn, I’m so sorry to hear this.

  11. HuntleyBiGuy Says:

    I’m very sorry for your loss. The loss of a loved one, especially a deeply loved partner, is heart wrenching.

  12. Xersex (@Xersex2009) Says:

    You have known love and you have lost it.
    I know you suffer, but think about how lucky you were with him and he with you! You might never have met, but instead you met and loved each other!

  13. Bob Slatten Says:

    I am so so sorry for your loss. It’s a terrible time, and a terrible thing, but hold on to what you had and know that you were loved and that you loved.

  14. rjjs8878 Says:

    Please accept my most sincere condolences for your loss. You will be in my thoughts and prayers

  15. Pat Lark Says:

    I have just now heard about you and this blog through Sixpence. I cannot fathom your pain. I send as much love and light as is possible. For, as Six said, when someone in our blogger circles suffers a loss it is a loss for us all. May loving arms of friends and family wrap you tightly, hold you close, and lift you up.


  16. uptonking Says:

    Sorry for your loss. Words fail. Wishing you great peace and solace during this difficult time. Be strong. And cherish your memories.

  17. Matt Shifley Says:

    My deepest condolences, JM. I am so sorry. I don’t know what else to say but please know that you are in my thoughts. Please take care.

  18. Adam Says:

    Having read of your great loss, I pray for peace to you. May your memories be a blessing.

  19. Bohemian Says:

    New to your Blog, so sorry to hear of your incredible Loss, there really aren’t sufficient words, especially from a Stranger.

  20. Steve Says:

    I’m so sorry John, this is heartbreaking. I’m so ashamed that you were going through this and I wasn’t there to support you!

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