Not Even A Week

It hasn’t even been a week since you’ve been gone. I’ve gotten phone calls, texts, posts all in support. And between tears and a little bit of anger, I feel numb. I never understood what was meant when anyone said they felt numb. How do you feel numb? I think I know. There are moments when I just don’t feel anything. Just sit here and stare blankly at the television.

I was telling someone that I freaked out because I couldn’t remember what he smelled like.

I wonder what the fur babies are thinking? Do they know he’s gone? They have been somewhat more clingy lately. But do they know that he’s not coming back? I know he is not. But do I really know? I wake up thinking this is just a dream. And reality sinks in when I stare at the empty side of the bed.

This is a nightmare. And I don’t know if I will ever wake up.

29 Responses to “Not Even A Week”

  1. Mistress Borghese Says:

    Numb says it. I never lost a partner like you…but when my grandmother passed, who I was closer to then anyone…I felt much the same way. And yes, I suspect the fur babies know…they always know. That’s why animals are extraordinary creatures. But I do the bed thing. When my partner and I split…the hardest thing for me was the looking over and seeing the rest of the king bed empty. But youll get there. Just go with what your feeling. Time heals.

  2. anne marie in philly Says:

    lean on the furkids; they need you right now. scream, get angry, throw something, cry, do nothing. we love you. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

    • johnmichael42003 Says:

      Best advice. Anne Marie–yesterday in the car the song “Heart of Glass” came on and i started dancing before I could help myself. And then I cried thinking “why am I dancing…he just died”.

  3. Bob Slatten Says:

    Numb fits perfectly. Sadly perfectly/And I’m with Anne Marie, hold those you love, people or pets, close, and do what makes you get through the minutes of the day.

  4. Matt Shifley Says:

    After my mom passed, I felt like I was in a fog for a long time so numb makes a lot of sense. I don’t wish it on anyone but unfortunately it is part of life. Take care of yourself, be kind with yourself and please know that we are here for you if you need us.

  5. Sixpence Notthewiser Says:

    Numb is natural.
    Don’t rush anything. Don’t overthink anything. Just… feel. It’ll come. And we’ll be here for you.

    XOXO

  6. Sassybear Says:

    There is no right way to feel or handle this. Try to breathe deeply and focus on getting throgh the next 5 minutes. And then the next. No one can or should expect anything more, even you. And lets those dogs shower you with affection. They want to comfort you as much as possible.

    your in my thoughts.

  7. mcpersonalspace54 Says:

    I don’t think that there is any one way to deal with grief. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings you have. Reach out to your friends and those dogs too. You need them and they need you. You have been in my thoughts every day.

  8. TW Tommy Thompson Says:

    Turned on the computer today to check the blogs… saw your post.. …. No Words……. Grief is painful fo the living … My Thoughts are with you …

  9. Richard Portman Says:

    Your partner would like you to survive this, for the sake of your love. You don’t have to do anything right now because nothing else matters. Time heals. You will never forget your partner.

  10. Urspo Says:

    I don’t know if this will help, or if it is right time for it. Here is a Ted talk I sometimes recommend to my patients in the midst of grief. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khkJkR-ipfw

  11. Jeffrey Says:

    I’m right next to you, dear; you are in my heart. I lost my partner two and a half years ago. It’s all right to be shameless about asking friends and neighbors for help. It’s perfectly all right to ignore requests for your time right now. Find the friend who has no agenda and can just be with you and ask nothing of you. Make no decisions for a while. The waves of this storm will toss you about without warning; the Furbabies and agenda-free friends are solid rocks you can cling to.

  12. rjjs8878 Says:

    I lost my second partner to AIDs in 1988. We were both 31. It will get better, It may get more difficult, but it will get better, I think you will find that, in time, all the pleasant memories of your adventures together will keep you going. You will have new adventures and create new memories.

  13. Kirk Says:

    There’s no set rules when it comes to grief, I’m afraid.

  14. David R Snyder Says:

    Kirk is right, there are no rules. All hearts heal differently.

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