It’s Still A Journey

I met a new friend the other day. While we were talking he said “my boyfriend” and suddenly stopped.  He searched my expression for either horror or surprise. When he saw neither, he said “I’m not out to everyone”. I told him he didn’t have to talk about anything he didn’t want to, that this was really none of my business.

He said that it has been a struggle. He explained that his parents were non-accepting and although they didn’t throw him out of their lives, they told him that they don’t ever want to talk about his social life. He said it has been two years since he told them and he has yet to bring his boyfriend home. On the other hand, he said that his siblings have been extremely accepting and that the first Thanksgiving he was afraid to go home, his sister volunteered to have it at her home so that he would feel comfortable knowing that she and her husband had his back should his parents say anything rude.

I told him that I was also struggling with coming out. I saw him breathe a sigh of relief when he realized that I was also gay. He told me that he was available to talk any time, day or night. He told me to never hesitate to call. He remembered what it was like to wake up in the middle of the night and not hear a reassuring voice.

We wondered why it would always be a struggle, why it had to be one at all. Someday I hope for those who are younger, for those yet unborn, it won’t be.

Happy New Year

One of my new year resoloutions was to write more often. This blog has been amazing for me. It has allowed me to vent freely and honestly. Through this blog I have also met many amazing friends, some of whom I could not have gotten through the last couple months without–thanks to many for the late night chats (and for being patient through the nonsensical conversations).

I have made it through another year. And the last year brought about many changes in my life. There were disappointments, but there were also triumphs too. The disappointments, I will work through and make the necessary changes so that instead of stumbling blocks, they become carved learning tools. And the triumphs, well they speak for themselves.

Happy New Year everyone!! Make the best of the upcoming opportunities!!

Holiday Newsletters

I’ve always been fascinated by the Christmas newsletters that arrive with some cards. Since many of my friends have families now, they usually send updates about what each person in their family is doing, including their pets. I always have to laugh out loud when the pets are included. Still though, it’s great that they want to share their achieved goals and next year’s aspirations with all those they keep in touch with. It makes the cards to me a bit more personable then just a holiday shout out.

It depends on how I look at this year, what perspective I take into account and how harshly or fairly I judge myself concerning how long or how short my own personal newsletter would be. So many changes have happened. I have always believed that everything one does, whether it’s a small step or a giant one molds their personality. Everything is a lesson. We just have to step back and learn it.

I hope everyone has had a fascinating year…and that they have great newsletters of their own to cherish.

Let It Snow

I love snow…until it becomes a driving nuisance. But when it first falls and blankets the forests that surround this beautiful state, it’s amazing.

Yesterday, I discovered a great new dessert (well not so much a dessert as a late night snack).  My friends and I were spending our Friday night catching up on some DVDs and shows we had TiVoed. We got hungry and raided the kitchen. Adam usually keeps a jar of cashews (he thinks that when it comes in a stylish jar they taste better), so I grabbed a handful of those to start my munching. While I was eating those, my other roomie Brian asked me to get the Cool Whip for his pecan pie. While trying to juggle cookies, the tub of cool whip and my handful of cashews, some of the nuts fell into the cool whip.  I discovered how good cashews tasted covered in the sugary whipped topping.

And then after the late night binge, I also discovered that I would have to exercise a bit more today to compensate.

Happy Thanksgiving

I’m a day late, but I’m hoping that everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

I realized because of a friend’s horrible day how thankful I am for the support system I have. I have friends who truly love me and friends that I love deeply. I’m thankful that they are in my life and I hope that they are thankful for me as well.

I’m thankful for my family, both my immediate as well as my extended members. And I will continue reminding myself on a daily basis just how thankful I am.

 

Better Days Ahead

I’m out of my funk. I’m feeling better these days. I think it was just one of those things, where life happens and you don’t know what to expect and you don’t know how to express yourself in a way that doesn’t cause pity. I’m not really one to wallow in the mire. But I hit a bump in the road and my journey was somewhat thrown off course. But I’m back for the most part.

I don’t want to vent any of those hurdles here. After all there are two sides to every story and it would be unfair to just air my side. But I’m handling things the way I think they should be handled. And with advice and support from some very good friends, I think I’ve handled it well.

I hope everyone had a great Halloween. I didn’t dress up. It’s not my thing. It did disappoint some of my friends who had various different costume ideas for me. I just never liked doing the dress up thing. However, my buddy Brian told one of the children I was handing out candy to that I was dressed like Grandpa Fuddy Duddy (I was wearing a blazer). So maybe that is what my costume was, Grandpa Fuddy Duddy—by the way, I still have a good 30 years before I’m eligible for the senior citizen discount. But the point was taken and I promised Brian that next year, I would find a costume.

Wrong Pick

My co-workers had been telling me that they want to set me up. None of them know I’m gay (I haven’t told them and if they suspect anything, they haven’t said anything). Curious to see who they wanted to set me up with, I asked. It turns out they want to set me up with a new female physician that just started working in the hospital. They said the two of us would be perfect together. We had the same sense of humor and I was told we would make “beautiful babies”. Why do women always go from dating to marriage (zero to sixty in less than 30 secs)?

I laughed and didn’t ask about it again. A few days later, we ran into her in the cafeteria. And so we were introduced. She is beautiful! She works out by jogging and swimming (so her body is perfect). She has an amazing smile (perfect straight white teeth). She looked me straight in the eye during all our conversations and even touched my arm a few times while we talked. She has a great voice too, soft with just a hint of southern in it. And she made me laugh. The only thing that was wrong is…she isn’t a man.

If I were straight, I would have fallen in love in less than thirty seconds (zero to sixty in about fifteen).

Achy, Sniffly, Coughy

I came down with an illness. I don’t think it’s the swine flu. I think it’s just an over-rated cold. I have the sniffles, but no snot. And I have a pretty harsh cough.My body is also achy.

I’m sure it’s all part of the change in weather. I get this way when the temperatures change.

I’ll get better. My roomies have been pumping orange juice into my system. And I think over the last few days I have eaten more soup than I have within this last year (thank you Brian).

I hope everyone’s health is good!! Not good, but great!!

Exhausted

Have you ever felt exhausted by everything that you have to deal with or think about? All of it seems to come at you all at once, like a speeding tennis ball and you can’t seem to position yourself aptly to hit the ball back?

I’m feeling like that now. Everything happening all at once. I know that I’ll eventually get the chance to swing at that ball and get it back over the net. But for right now, it’s coming too quickly.

I’m exhausted…

Nothing Makes Sense

Have you ever tried to follow someone’s logic but couldn’t? Have you met a person that you have looked up to all your life, but then suddenly disappoints you with an argument that has no sensible logic?

A church leader I grew up with recently stated during a dinner get together that gays should be welcome in church, but they should not be able to be the leaders of church. His only argument for this basis was he felt they would not make good leader material. No other arguments were given to back his statement up, just that he “felt” they shouldn’t.

I was crestfallen. This is a man who during my childhood always encouraged us to be what we wanted to be. He told us that we could be anything our dreams allowed us to be. He said we should never be afraid to spread our wings because we could and we should fly.

And just a few days ago, he says something so ignorant. I’m not even sure who brought the topic up. But my ears perked up when I heard the word gay mentioned during the dinner banter. I’m still trying to come to terms with this leader’s train of thought.